Monday, April 26, 2010

New look...

So, I worked on my blog tonight. Anything not to go to bed. Have I mentioned that I don't really like to sleep? No?

Well, 'don't like' is not the right way to say it. I actually ♥ sleep! I really heart sleep. I just don't do it the way others seem to. I seem to sleep much better in the light rather than in the dark. Then why did I spend all that money on room darkening curtains? Cause the light outside my new apartment is dayglow! I moved here from a dark, damp basement apartment in October. It was really really dark there. At night, that was nice. In the summer, it was great cause I was always cool - cold even. The mold that grew wasn't so great. My cat who is now prominent on my blog wasn't very happy. She almost died a few times, but I couldn't really get it together to move. Well, more than that...I am underreporting...I had a total knee replacement and for about two years I was pretty much struggling just to get around.

See, I live alone.  Surgery was such...well, the surgery was not good. I can talk more about that later.

I really just wanted to say that I spent some time playing with an image for my blog. I am a graphic designer by trade. My second career. My first was Nursing. I can talk more about that later too. I have had a complex life. More complex than most and not as complex as some I guess. It's interesting to think about what I would change if I could. Once I say more about my life, you would guess that I might want to change it all. But...

You never know where you need to be willing to go in order to end up where you need to be.

That's my own saying. I made that one up. You can use it if you want. It's true you know. We are not in charge and although we can wish that we could have taken a different path and ended up where we are today, I don't think that is true. I think we are where we are precisely because of the path we took. Now, if you don't like where you are...you can sit and lament your choices. That won't get you anywhere but depressed cause well, we can't change the past. We went the way we go, you took the path you took - like it or not - precisely so we COULD end up where we are today. Maybe you had lessons you needed to learn? Maybe a different path could have put you worse off than you are today. Even when things are at their worst, they could always be worse. Just ask me. I'll tell ya cuz you never know where you need to go in order to end up where you need to be. And here is where you need to be - like it or not.

Once you hear my story you may be quite surprised I can say that. You might be surprised to find out that although my life is not anything like what I thought it would be or even how I would like it to be, it is what it is. I know many folks hate that expression but I like it. What does it mean to you? To me, it means that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Like it or not. I don't know what is next but I know that if I were not exactly where I am doing exactly what I am doing, the next thing would be entirely different. And whatever is next is perfect.

See, I am a believer. I don't follow any dogmatic religion. I have my own beliefs and they can change day to day if someone can give me a good enough reason or argument to sway me. Mostly I just believe. I believe that most people are inherently good. I believe that my life has been exactly what it's supposed to have been. I believe the best is yet to come.

and that last one, requires true believing many days. The glass is only half full if you look at it from the wrong direction. If you look at it directly from the top, it will always look full. I have not had an easy life, not by a long shot—and sometimes it feels like I have a life that has been only "half lived"—but well, the glass is still full.

Now if I could only make myself sleep...

Oh, this is Asha. She is 10 May 5th. My other cat Pepsi died last year the week after I was supposed to go put Asha down. That would have been a tough week huh? Glad my vet suggested "one more thing" to try to save Asha's life. It worked and she is alive and he is gone. It's weird.

More to come. Remember to breathe!

3 comments:

C said...

hi, its moi again... i got your email and yes i do like your new blog look! there are so many choices out there, i change mine often, just for shits n giggles...

"You never know where you need to be willing to go in order to end up where you need to be."

well, that is one fine group of words... i like it.

i think if you share your story like so many of us have, on here, you will find alot in common with many of us.

in your own timing, of course.

take care..

c

Glenda C. Beall said...

I finally found how to comment on you blog which is very good looking. You have much to say so I look forward to reading more in the future.
Hope you are well. I didn't see you in Asheville at the bookfest on Saturday. Looked for you.

My Thyroid Healing Journey! Join me. said...

ah, after rereading this older post, it's hard to know that Asha is gone now as well. Funny, I didn't introduce you all to Luca, my new rescue dog. he's a gem. Just a gem. after ten years with cats, it's nice to be back to the codependency of a dog! he's a shinese. and a love. be.